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Greetings all! Long time no blog. I guess I have been waiting for something to hit me with enough substance to share and that time has come. I finally got the urge to sit down and write again. Since my last sharing, I feel like I’m steadily climbing up the ladder of spiritual awareness for the past few months. I’ve had some great meditation experiences and have gotten those wonderful little signs from the universe that I’m on the right track of my awakening right when I need them. Whether it is the constant catching of the same number on the clock (11:11, 2:22, etc.) or a ringing of the ear, or a dragonfly hovering in front of my eyes, it snaps me out of the daily grind and keeps me in that higher vibe state.
I’ve been continuing to set aside some time each night to settle down and meditate by calling out and connecting to and feeling a variety of energies such as my higher self, Archangels, or various other galactic friends. I’ve felt presences in my bedroom, next to my bed, and could pinpoint direction with great success, but something has always been amiss. I can never get a that inner vision working as everyone is talking about. For time immemorial, I have never been able to have what people call “the mind’s eye”, and whenever I have explained that to people, I get the same weird expression and a face of non-understanding. I literally have never seen any type of mental image in my life. Yes, I do dream, and sometimes quite vividly, but when I close my eyes and am asked to visual an apple or the beach or counting sheep. Nothing but black. Then I’m usually asked something like well if I asked you to describe my house, how can you describe it if you can’t see it in your mind’s eye??!? And the cryptic answer is, well it’s complicated. I have the memories of what it looks like, but it is more of a knowing or feeling more than a visual account of it.
The big part of frustrating with my spiritual path related to this is around the exercises almost EVERYONE does for spiritual growth called guided meditations. I have listened to hundreds in my practices and each time I intend that I will “see” something and understand the power of them, but alas, it has always been reduced to mild to severe frustration thus defeating the purpose altogether. I was just under the impression that either something was wrong with me or that my pineal gland was so calcified that it was shut off completely. I recently gave it another whirl last week with a 4 Part guided meditation/hypnosis course from Lisa Gawlas called “Developing your Superpowers Course”. I occasionally get a reading from her especially since she has tremendously vivid imagery relayed from my spiritual team with some pretty accurate results. After telling her my difficulty of seeing during a recent reading, she did her customary tough love saying I’ve created these blocks with my negative tones and intentions of “can’t, won’t and broken” and emailed me the materials for free (wow, Thanks Lisa) and said give it a try! Well I got in a great mental space, and got all settled in bed with my nice headphones and was all positive and ready to go.
It started off great as she guided me on getting grounded and connecting to Gaia and feeling that connection to my mother planet. Check, that’s familiar ground for me. Next up, time to connect “upward” to higher realms via my spirit guides, teams, and higher self. Check, yup connected and feeling great. And then the tough part… Lisa narrated, “OK visualize yourself floating upward in the clouds..” and started down the guided imagery path to meet in the realms of the astral with my higher guides.. Ok, Josh, let’s do it! Be loose! Don’t panic! Be open, be positive. And? And? And? Nothing but black. OK, try again, all while the Lisa’s audio is still going on. Still nothing. So after about 10 minutes of really giving it the ol’ the college try, I grabbed the headphones and ripped them off my head in frustration. I was really trying not to feel these feelings, but I’m human. And uncharacteristically for “New Josh” my frustration migrated rather quickly to the sadness route. I haven’t really been sad-sad, for quite some time. In my earlier life, I always had some sadness in my aura from the constant emotional beating I would give myself or get depressed by superficial things and how I am not that, and therefore inferior. But since my upward journey, I’m happy that it is a rare occurrence.
While in this sadness induced panic, I started thinking thoughts like, “what if my 3rd Eye is broken, and I’m blind in it?!? I’m Third Eye Blind!” and how is that going to affect my development going forward? And I really worked myself up to a sadness frenzy almost culminating in some tears, until a wave came through me and I stopped the sad train with a simple, firm “NO! STOP.” So after a few deep breaths and some grounding exercises, I decided I needed a distraction and was guided to checkout my favorite pastime, YOUTUBE.
So I clicked on the App on my iPad, and almost just about pooped myself when I opened my Subscription feed and saw the first video in the list “NEW INSIGHTS INTO THE MIND’S EYE” from one of my favorite channels “Sci Show”. So I shocking clicked on it.. and it starts off with “Picture what life would be like if you couldn’t picture things in your mind as you read a book, or counting sheep, etc”. Oh my God! Well it just happens that a study has just recently came out about this “phenomenon” after a UK researcher read about an account of a 65 year old man that went into surgery with the common ability to visualize and came out with the loss of it. This story made some headlines and then all of a sudden others chiming in over the internet stating that they too had this lack of vision and voila, this study was born. The disorder has a new name called “APHANTASIA” and current estimates state that they maybe 1 in 50 may be afflicted. See video below:
Wow, ok.. Well then.. That’s fascinating coincidence to watch this video moments after experiencing it. Right then, the engineer in me went to work and started researching aphantasia. Obviously since this study is about a month old, there wasn’t a whole lot on it, but it was amazing that it was featured in a bunch of online news articles with sensational headlines like “Picture This? Some Can’t” or “Can’t Count Sheep? You May Have Aphantasia”. It was somewhat interesting to find out this is what I have, but also bit disconcerting especially after reading some comments from social media on the linked articles. The “OMG, I can’t believe they can’t see something in their head. That sucks for them, etc”, but I took the divine timing of me seeing it right after my frustration of doing a guided meditation as a sign to fret not. So I decided time to just to go to bed.
So the next day, I must admit I was still having some thoughts around this issue and what potential impact aphantasia could have on my spiritual development (if any). In comes divine timing again.. It just so happens that I had another reading scheduled with Lisa. It was the main reason I tried the superpowers course the night before so I could thank her for her gift to me. So when she called, I did as usual and just stayed quite silent during the reading, taking notes and not interfering or leading any discussion. I just let her connect to “the field” and see if she gets anything from behind the “Great Veil”. At first, she saw nothing but was determined to try again and again. Then just before she was going to call it quits, she started getting something and it was an image of me in a long wizard-type robe with a hood that covered my face, but colored Bright Yellow. And I had my hands cupped in front of my heart with bright yellow energy bursting out from them arching way up to the sky and swirling around and then streaming back down to earthplane and into a giant keyhole where all the yellow energy was creating light codes and entering the keyhole. She said it was a sight to see and she tried to peer into the keyhole to see what was on the other side but my team shielded her eyes and said it was for me to unlock and see. Wow, cool huh.
So after the reading she asked her usual thing: “So questions, love?” and I said wow, not really other than I was fascinated about her ability to see like that and told her I gave her SuperPowers course a try without success and gave a really brief summary about aphantasia etc. Her classic response was, “You need not to worry, ever Josh. You’re gifts are extraordinary and may not be the same as others but who cares”. She continued to say, ” Look, if you or I are in a dark room with no light at all, how do you go about getting around?? FEELING WITH YOUR HANDS..” and as soon as she said that, it all made sense.. Something clicked. The recent weight of this issue lifted. Of course, you can still get around and be able to function that way. Her vision of the energy streaming out of my hands (which I feel very often during meditation) is a VERY common occurrence for me. I have said often to a dear friend I discuss metaphysical stuff and this very topic that and I am extremely fortunate to have the empathic and Clairsentience ability while meditating. That sense in me is really powerful and well honed.
Really, I guess the saying, “If you lose a sense, your others get enhanced” holds true here as well for these matters. I guess sometimes you long for what you don’t have versus being grateful for the gifts you do have. Wow, yet another benefit and lesson this experience has given me. Gratitude for what I have.
I immediately felt a wave of relief and joy enter my Josh-sphere again and all is well.. Just the whole experience is an example of the wonder and awe I get on this path of enlightenment. I have a renewed sense of well-being and I’m on the verge of unlocking that door the keyhole represented in my reading. I’m not tied up on the what everyone else has that I don’t and it was yet another crisis of self-confidence to make me a stronger person, a better lightworker.
My dear spiritual friend recently “just happened” to start reading a book on opening your 3rd eye. (Imagine that?) When I discussed this experience with her, she remembered a passage that jumped out at her and she shared with me to help summarize my whole experience:
“In all that you do, never ever lose prospect of the forest merely because of a single tree….A person who gets attached to these experiences will keep exploring them deeper and deeper until eventually he or she forgets about the path to self-realization. Eventually what happens is that his or her spiritual progress wil come to a slow but sure stop. So it is important to remember that the goal of meditation is not the supernatural experience or the visions. The main goal at the end of the day is SELF-REALIZATION.” – Opening the Third Eye by Glen Bryant
Yup, that sums it up! Thanks J.A.
Well that’s it for this installment. Hope you enjoyed this blog entry especially if you are a fellow “aphantasian”. Lol.
With greatest love and light. Be Well. Peace. Namaste!
Josh
Just Joshing You 
Hey Josh!
Thank you so much!
I am on the spiritual path myself and I also have Aphantasia. Discovered a while ago that apparently my world “looks” different then other peoples.
I was worried about the same like you and that actually gives me a positive boost of energy.
Lots of love,
Neelah
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You are so welcome. It warms my heart you got something out of my share. Yes, I NOW look at aphantasia gives us a fairly unique perspective on this path. I feel that it has really gave my other empathic skills and clairsentience ability a boost. Be well and Namaste Neelah!
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I’ve found myself in the position of facilitating breathwork for people. My clients are frequently having these mind-blowing experiences of going to other realms, seeing call kinds of amazing visions, pretty colors, etc. I get jealous!
My inner vision has been a blank screen for a long time now, except for some psychedelic experiences, and a meditation retreat where I managed to stay in a dream state for several days using techniques that I would not recommend and could probably be described as dark tantra… I had a vivid imagination in early childhood but there was a lot of trauma, so maybe it turned off to block something from my awareness. I do find that this has greatly enhanced my capacity to feel the subtle, which has given me some superpowers when it comes to working with energy. And the clairsentience and claircognizance is pretty strong. It does get frustrating though, and a part of me very much desires to have that vivid imagination back.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you . . . etc! Fellow aphantasian here and needed this sooo much! Keep in mind that lucid dreaming, while still challenging, is a very real and effective option to guided meditation for us in our inner work/healing! Its fun and exciting, too!
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You are so welcome Eliza. I’m so glad that you got something out of my sharing. Good idea in the lucid dreaming. I actually had one last night and although it was indeed out there in its content it was definitely helpful! Be well!
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OMG It was like I could of written this article myself! I’m absolutely mind blown! I’ve just only found out that I have this and went through all the emotions you described in the last hour 🤣
I guess it’s another layer deeper in my quest for self discovery xx
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I just discovered today that I have aphantasia after seeing Braincraft’s video of the topic. I researched and came to this article, I have felt the same things as you. Lately I have been trying guided meditations for lucid dreaming and astral projections, but I was always lost all I saw was blackness. I always wondered when people say they visualize light, do these people really see light when they imagine their selves? My dreams are barely memories. I can’t imagine images, or tastes and smell, I can only hear sounds. Now I just accept the fact, and believe it must be for a reason. The truth that I have found about reality doesn’t change, though I’m being kept from experiencing all of it. However I don’t have any ability or gift yet that I have discovered. I will just keep meditating in nothingness. Also I have never experienced anything spiritual in nature.
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Thanks for the comment Diego. Yes, since this blog posting, I’ve delved deeper in many different aspects of my spiritual development (through Marconics Energy, etc (see later posts if interested in that journey).. Although I still have aphantasia in waking consciousness, I have found my dreams to be enhanced and more real/vivid. I’ve also embraced my other high dimensions senses like my empathic nature and intuition. Just like some superheros like Daredevil, etc.. I think the lack of vision, enhances the others so I don’t look so much into what I don’t have, but embrace and appreciate the gifts I do have. I believe we all come here to Earth with a plan or contract and ours just was that we needed not to focus on the sight but so much more. Yours may be audio based (clairaudient), where mine is clairsenient/cognoscent.. Letting go of lack helps activate universal flow and should someday my sight return, great! but at this point I wouldn’t trade it for what I have. Hope that helps brother.. Be well on your spiritual path. You are supported..
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Hey Josh….nice to meet you im soph. Im also a fellow aphantasiac!! For all my life, I never knew anybody could see images in their own mind, untill i found out last month that most people can. At first it kind of blew me away and it was actually kind of depressing: i felt like everyone else had a almost magical ability that i was missing out on. Then I wished that I had never found this out so I could be be in a state of ignorant bliss.
However, know I accept we are all uniquely differenct and that this is in no way a disability. It is just a different way of being. I think if i could visualize I would be lost in my minds eye forever!!
I just wanted to say thank you for giving me hope as I have also been worried about my spiritual path in relation to my aphantasia. For a moment there I though I had no third eye!! However I am very intuitave and can sence spirits and I have astral projected for the past twenty years. There must be a distinction between your third eye and your minds eye? What do you think?
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Josh I really need to speak with you on methods that work for you. I’m an aphant as well. Love to you.
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Thanks for the comment Paige. I sent you a private note on my thoughts. Do let me know if you didn’t receive it.
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I started reading this and I started crying cause you said exactly what I’m feeling. I don’t know anyone spiritual and I’ve been really confused about my third eye (how do I even know if its open, etc) and from now on I will just try to let go and not think of it as a limitation. Thank you so much, I hope you’ve discovered even more about aphantasia.
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Thanks for a great article man. Another fellow spiritually enabled aphantasiac here. Although I really understand what you are saying and I feel you are somewhat right, I still experience it as a disability in real life. I’m a (professional level but hobby) musician (jazz pianist) as well and lots of professional level books focus on visualization (it’s how I discovered aphantasia, it just wouldn’t work for me). Also, lots of meditations (for example, meeting your spirit guide) focus on visualizing environments where behind a door or whatever, you will see your guide. I am very convinced that I have my guide (she has given me more than enough answers to believe it) but I feel I am missing out on so much she wants to show me, tell me, because of this. I really feel like I still am progressing much much slower on my path because of this. I hope it isn’t true, but as long as I have doubts about it, I will probably make this doubt a reality. If you have any tips for me, let me know!
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Hi Dirk!
Thanks so much for the comment. I completely understand what you are saying about feeling disadvantaged and missing out in something. In my work with Marconics, there are a lot of fellow Practitioners that have the gift of sight and describe these amazing visions and things that seem so amazing it is hard not to get a pang of jealousy and frustration. I however have noticed more and more that my other ESP skills have increased tremendously (especially empathic skills) that my higher self and team explain give so much more information than what is just visual. I recently wrote about an awesome experience I had while in my kitchen where I received a “channeled message” from my higher self with a message and mediation style tuned for me as an aphantasian. Give it a read. It’s called the Superman Meditation. I am accepting what my current gifts are and deep down know that should I need more support in the why of inner sight I will develop it. In the meantime I suggest not frustrating yourself with trying to do visualizations meant for non-Aphantasians and try a different method like feeling based or maybe even something with music as that is a gift you do have. Experiment and please do stay in touch. My email is yourhealinglight@gmail.com.
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Hi josh, I’m an aphantasiac and I’ve recently begun trying to find myself through meditation and discover who I am and im new to it and not 100% sure how to go about doing so and ive researched guided meditation and tried it and ive also tried just reading about it and doing it on my own but it always comes back to visualizing things and obviously i cant do that so im not really sure what to do.
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Hey Josh!
This post has given me so much hope, because we have very similar stories. I have been on my spiritual journey for about a year now. Two weeks ago I found out I had Aphantasia because I started researching why I still hadn’t been able to visualise during meditation. I was shattered, I felt I had a spiritual disability.
I also have the same ‘feeling’ gift as you do. I can feel energy in my hands and the energy within my body when I meditate. I have had afew experiences where I have been able to ask questions / make statements to my soul, and rather than hearing or seeing visuals replies, my soul responds with strong energy pulses and a clear knowing of what they mean.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. If you have any tips holla, because it seems like we have very similar spiritual abilities which no one I know has 🙂
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Wow ! This speaks volume. I am also Aphantasia and fellow Starseed and what you say in your text is very spot on. I never thinked like this before but now I will see it as GRATITUDE. I may not be able to see, but feel ? I can. I may not be able to breath, but taste ? I can. Gratitude !
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Wow! This definitely gave me all the feels. I like you was completely rocked when I learned about an ability others have that I do not. I felt less evolved or broken in some way and have been searching and researching for a “cure”. Even though my meditation is more successful in the mindfulness or heartfulness sessions I still attempt visualization meditations. And yep… nothing, notta, blank blackness. My concern with being third eye blind is really about unblocking my chakra. Is my intuition efffected? Am I unable to read a person’s character? Can I be easily fooled? Idk if that makes sense but lately I have been feeling my intuition lacking. I appreciate that you shared this because it gave me comfort in that my trying and trying and attempt after attempt may be in vain. That I am supposed to be heightened in my other senses and may not need the visualization part of my eye third. Anyway, thank you for sharing!!!!!
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Hello! I know this article was posted a couple of years ago but I am very curious on your process since then and if anything has changed. I also have aphantasia and it really upsets me and I feel like it limits me to my full potential. I recently did a merging with my higher self mediation and I was expecting to see images and hear my spirit guides but instead it was just a black void and sometimes a thought would go into my mind, which is my spirit guide I think but I’m not sure. But yeah I was just wondering if you have any tips on contacting or speaking to your spirit guides or higher self when meditating. Whenever I meditate I kind of feel like a numbing sensation but at the same time I feel so much energy to the point where I can’t move my body, however, like I said before all I see is blackness. Anyways, thank you so much for sharing and I’m so grateful for stumbling upon this blog and seeing how I’m not the only one who experiences this. Feel free to email me as well, thank you.
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Hey Josh! I know that i’m a couple of years late but I just recently found out that I’m also anaphantasiac and I’m just wondering if you have any tips on meeting my spirit guides in any other ways that mediation? I truly thought that my third eye chakra was blocked but discovering that I’m anaphantasiac just made me even more sad and unmotivated to continue my spiritual journey. I’ve been mediating and just seeing pure black and its just so frustrating.
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Josh, your post is the first one I found once I figured out I also have aphantasia. I was starting to focus on the one tree instead of the forest as well, so your words hit me like a refreshing gust of wind. It’s crazy to me how this works, especially because I’m an artist! An illustrator! Lol, maybe selective aphantasia?
Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us ❤ love and light to you!
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I am feeling as though I have been pushing through an invisible mobile void ever since I asked Google several months ago if there were others like me who cannot visualize in my mind’s eye anything — not anything. Unforunately, I have not been successful with meditating and do not have any discernment of the presence of spiritual gifts. I am empathetic in a “normal” way, which has served me well in my nursing career. I absolutely feel deficient. My spiritual journey of questioning has only come late in life … I am seventy now! I texted the wonderful Alba Weinman and she texted back informing me of one of her videos concerning an individual who also had aphantasia — YouTube video #343. Absolutely I believe that there is a spiritual lesson to be learned through this condition … but I don’t know what mine is. Thank you, though, for creating this site.
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Blessings,
Its funny how many people find out about Aphantasia after dealing with it for years. I’m 35. Served in the Military and graduated from NYU. Although I had a lot of problems during this time, it goes to show our brain’s ability to adapt whether or not we know we’re dealing with an ailment. I can’t visualize, but for any place I’ve visited I can detail almost perfectly how it looks and what’s there, without seeing an image. Anything I read is usually summarized and available as a nice report a few hours after I’ve finished reading it.
Based on the image provided to you, the color yellow is the Sun it’s also the color of Life, energy, and love. Have you researched Reiki? You may be a spiritual Reiki healer on a deep level, and the lights shooting from your are the Universal Healing energies. Because of the injury, I am pretty hyper-aware of sensations in my body. I tend to feel the warmth or energy feeling from my hands a lot. So when you mentioned that I was able to tie 2 and 2 together. Once you research Reiki you’ll understand how to use these gifts. Also, when you do a Reiki session, they help you release blockages that are in your chakra system. It also then helps turn your body into a healing vessel for others in need.
Also look into the Facebook Aphantasia group. There are people who were able to start eventually visualizing using different methods. But certainly interested to hear any update you may have
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Hi Josh, today I discovered that I have Aphantasia and suddenly everything just made sense- attempts to visualise whilst meditating ended up in frustration and for years I just believed I was blocked- I had no idea it simply wasn’t possible for me visualise and today I came to the realisation that I needed to strengthen my clairsentiense and start working with energy – finding your blog reinforces that I am now heading in the right direction so many thanks for sharing your story- Fofi
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Wow. I genuinely cannot explain how joyous reading this made me. The whole time I was reading this I was in utter awe of how every word was me. It’s almost scary how nearly identical you described your experience. I am so grateful I found this. I too have tried guided meditation after guided meditation with no success, but I have an extremely strong empathic ability, and a feeling in my palms. Thank you Thank you Thank you a thousand times. I wish you the most amazing lives this universe can give you. As I reached the end of this I was in tears. Thank you so much fellow human. Glad to know I am not alone. Lots of love ❤
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Just found out I have aphantasia. I am a 42-year-old rh negative Starseed, and I am mid-awakening. I found out that all these years I have never visualized. What I do is I say the words in my mind, and I am able to remember what a red apple looks like, so I just use words. I use words to visualize, and it works for me. I don’t see colors or pictures. I will see a burst of color with visual brain entrainment. Don’t lose hope. There are other ways to get what you need, from visualizations and such. I have made it this far without having issues, so I will make it work. Maybe our minds were wiped, just as in Dolores Cannon’s books.
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