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Greetings all! Long time no blog. I guess I have been waiting for something to hit me with enough substance to share and that time has come. I finally got the urge to sit down and write again. Since my last sharing, I feel like I’m steadily climbing up the ladder of spiritual awareness for the past few months. I’ve had some great meditation experiences and have gotten those wonderful little signs from the universe that I’m on the right track of my awakening right when I need them. Whether it is the constant catching of the same number on the clock (11:11, 2:22, etc.) or a ringing of the ear, or a dragonfly hovering in front of my eyes, it snaps me out of the daily grind and keeps me in that higher vibe state.
I’ve been continuing to set aside some time each night to settle down and meditate by calling out and connecting to and feeling a variety of energies such as my higher self, Archangels, or various other galactic friends. I’ve felt presences in my bedroom, next to my bed, and could pinpoint direction with great success, but something has always been amiss. I can never get a that inner vision working as everyone is talking about. For time immemorial, I have never been able to have what people call “the mind’s eye”, and whenever I have explained that to people, I get the same weird expression and a face of non-understanding. I literally have never seen any type of mental image in my life. Yes, I do dream, and sometimes quite vividly, but when I close my eyes and am asked to visual an apple or the beach or counting sheep. Nothing but black. Then I’m usually asked something like well if I asked you to describe my house, how can you describe it if you can’t see it in your mind’s eye??!? And the cryptic answer is, well it’s complicated. I have the memories of what it looks like, but it is more of a knowing or feeling more than a visual account of it.
The big part of frustrating with my spiritual path related to this is around the exercises almost EVERYONE does for spiritual growth called guided meditations. I have listened to hundreds in my practices and each time I intend that I will “see” something and understand the power of them, but alas, it has always been reduced to mild to severe frustration thus defeating the purpose altogether. I was just under the impression that either something was wrong with me or that my pineal gland was so calcified that it was shut off completely. I recently gave it another whirl last week with a 4 Part guided meditation/hypnosis course from Lisa Gawlas called “Developing your Superpowers Course”. I occasionally get a reading from her especially since she has tremendously vivid imagery relayed from my spiritual team with some pretty accurate results. After telling her my difficulty of seeing during a recent reading, she did her customary tough love saying I’ve created these blocks with my negative tones and intentions of “can’t, won’t and broken” and emailed me the materials for free (wow, Thanks Lisa) and said give it a try! Well I got in a great mental space, and got all settled in bed with my nice headphones and was all positive and ready to go.
It started off great as she guided me on getting grounded and connecting to Gaia and feeling that connection to my mother planet. Check, that’s familiar ground for me. Next up, time to connect “upward” to higher realms via my spirit guides, teams, and higher self. Check, yup connected and feeling great. And then the tough part… Lisa narrated, “OK visualize yourself floating upward in the clouds..” and started down the guided imagery path to meet in the realms of the astral with my higher guides.. Ok, Josh, let’s do it! Be loose! Don’t panic! Be open, be positive. And? And? And? Nothing but black. OK, try again, all while the Lisa’s audio is still going on. Still nothing. So after about 10 minutes of really giving it the ol’ the college try, I grabbed the headphones and ripped them off my head in frustration. I was really trying not to feel these feelings, but I’m human. And uncharacteristically for “New Josh” my frustration migrated rather quickly to the sadness route. I haven’t really been sad-sad, for quite some time. In my earlier life, I always had some sadness in my aura from the constant emotional beating I would give myself or get depressed by superficial things and how I am not that, and therefore inferior. But since my upward journey, I’m happy that it is a rare occurrence.
While in this sadness induced panic, I started thinking thoughts like, “what if my 3rd Eye is broken, and I’m blind in it?!? I’m Third Eye Blind!” and how is that going to affect my development going forward? And I really worked myself up to a sadness frenzy almost culminating in some tears, until a wave came through me and I stopped the sad train with a simple, firm “NO! STOP.” So after a few deep breaths and some grounding exercises, I decided I needed a distraction and was guided to checkout my favorite pastime, YOUTUBE.
So I clicked on the App on my iPad, and almost just about pooped myself when I opened my Subscription feed and saw the first video in the list “NEW INSIGHTS INTO THE MIND’S EYE” from one of my favorite channels “Sci Show”. So I shocking clicked on it.. and it starts off with “Picture what life would be like if you couldn’t picture things in your mind as you read a book, or counting sheep, etc”. Oh my God! Well it just happens that a study has just recently came out about this “phenomenon” after a UK researcher read about an account of a 65 year old man that went into surgery with the common ability to visualize and came out with the loss of it. This story made some headlines and then all of a sudden others chiming in over the internet stating that they too had this lack of vision and voila, this study was born. The disorder has a new name called “APHANTASIA” and current estimates state that they maybe 1 in 50 may be afflicted. See video below:
Wow, ok.. Well then.. That’s fascinating coincidence to watch this video moments after experiencing it. Right then, the engineer in me went to work and started researching aphantasia. Obviously since this study is about a month old, there wasn’t a whole lot on it, but it was amazing that it was featured in a bunch of online news articles with sensational headlines like “Picture This? Some Can’t” or “Can’t Count Sheep? You May Have Aphantasia”. It was somewhat interesting to find out this is what I have, but also bit disconcerting especially after reading some comments from social media on the linked articles. The “OMG, I can’t believe they can’t see something in their head. That sucks for them, etc”, but I took the divine timing of me seeing it right after my frustration of doing a guided meditation as a sign to fret not. So I decided time to just to go to bed.
So the next day, I must admit I was still having some thoughts around this issue and what potential impact aphantasia could have on my spiritual development (if any). In comes divine timing again.. It just so happens that I had another reading scheduled with Lisa. It was the main reason I tried the superpowers course the night before so I could thank her for her gift to me. So when she called, I did as usual and just stayed quite silent during the reading, taking notes and not interfering or leading any discussion. I just let her connect to “the field” and see if she gets anything from behind the “Great Veil”. At first, she saw nothing but was determined to try again and again. Then just before she was going to call it quits, she started getting something and it was an image of me in a long wizard-type robe with a hood that covered my face, but colored Bright Yellow. And I had my hands cupped in front of my heart with bright yellow energy bursting out from them arching way up to the sky and swirling around and then streaming back down to earthplane and into a giant keyhole where all the yellow energy was creating light codes and entering the keyhole. She said it was a sight to see and she tried to peer into the keyhole to see what was on the other side but my team shielded her eyes and said it was for me to unlock and see. Wow, cool huh.
So after the reading she asked her usual thing: “So questions, love?” and I said wow, not really other than I was fascinated about her ability to see like that and told her I gave her SuperPowers course a try without success and gave a really brief summary about aphantasia etc. Her classic response was, “You need not to worry, ever Josh. You’re gifts are extraordinary and may not be the same as others but who cares”. She continued to say, ” Look, if you or I are in a dark room with no light at all, how do you go about getting around?? FEELING WITH YOUR HANDS..” and as soon as she said that, it all made sense.. Something clicked. The recent weight of this issue lifted. Of course, you can still get around and be able to function that way. Her vision of the energy streaming out of my hands (which I feel very often during meditation) is a VERY common occurrence for me. I have said often to a dear friend I discuss metaphysical stuff and this very topic that and I am extremely fortunate to have the empathic and Clairsentience ability while meditating. That sense in me is really powerful and well honed.
Really, I guess the saying, “If you lose a sense, your others get enhanced” holds true here as well for these matters. I guess sometimes you long for what you don’t have versus being grateful for the gifts you do have. Wow, yet another benefit and lesson this experience has given me. Gratitude for what I have.
I immediately felt a wave of relief and joy enter my Josh-sphere again and all is well.. Just the whole experience is an example of the wonder and awe I get on this path of enlightenment. I have a renewed sense of well-being and I’m on the verge of unlocking that door the keyhole represented in my reading. I’m not tied up on the what everyone else has that I don’t and it was yet another crisis of self-confidence to make me a stronger person, a better lightworker.
My dear spiritual friend recently “just happened” to start reading a book on opening your 3rd eye. (Imagine that?) When I discussed this experience with her, she remembered a passage that jumped out at her and she shared with me to help summarize my whole experience:
“In all that you do, never ever lose prospect of the forest merely because of a single tree….A person who gets attached to these experiences will keep exploring them deeper and deeper until eventually he or she forgets about the path to self-realization. Eventually what happens is that his or her spiritual progress wil come to a slow but sure stop. So it is important to remember that the goal of meditation is not the supernatural experience or the visions. The main goal at the end of the day is SELF-REALIZATION.” – Opening the Third Eye by Glen Bryant
Yup, that sums it up! Thanks J.A.
Well that’s it for this installment. Hope you enjoyed this blog entry especially if you are a fellow “aphantasian”. Lol.
With greatest love and light. Be Well. Peace. Namaste!