Since originally I decided to just journal instead of blogging, the first few posts will be to “catch up” to the few stories I’ve already written about. Hope you enjoy!
Originally written Dec 12, 2014
How appropriate that I start my first journal entry at 11:11 PM.. As usual, I look down at the clock and see all the consecutive numbers. I swear today was remarkably interesting since I remember seeing 11:11 AM, and 2:22 PM, 3:33 PM and 4:44 PM and maybe 12:12.. I think, but the others were definitely, since I laugh to myself every time it happens.. Laugh and also say Namaste as I know it is for a reason. Before I thought is was freaky, but now it’s really awesome when it happens. I truly look down and BAM, all the same.. It isn’t like I’m stalking it either, I just say, “what time is it” and look down on the PC or my phone, and BAM, al the same.. Well sometimes I get 12:34 PM (1-2-3-4)
Ok, enough of the clock time.. On with the main event today..
Well, I was looking forwards to yesterday and today given the news from my reading from Lisa Gawlas on Dec 6th (I’m referenced as Guy #1 in this reading, click here) where she couldn’t see past 12-11-14.. She indicated that I was a ball of light and as I approached 12-11, I became engulfed in the fires of passion as like 2 rockets on either side ignited and I’m off onto my adventure.. Well I must say it seems like the last 3 months have been TRANSFORMATIVE for me. Starting with my walk-about adventure to Sedona, to going to the Dalai Lama with my friend Amy, to the Natural Expo in Marlborough, to my reading with Lisa Gawlas, and then tonight to the Golden Light Retreat hosted by Bhavna.. It’s really made my whole essence lighter and more blissful. I used to be sad sometimes, for silly things, like my body image or being alone, etc. but I truly really don’t feel sad anymore, not since my resurgance on what I call “the path”..
Since this is my first journal entry, I guess I should digress a bit and talk about “the path”.. It really all started a “long” time ago, in the early 2000’s, maybe somewhere in 2002, or 2005 or something like that.. I have a real hard time with time and chronological spacing in my head. Well we all know time is an illusion, right? 🙂 Anywho, my coworker and dear friend Jenn introduced me to a book called “A Separate Reality” written by Carlos Casteneda.. It was an interesting story about a man who goes on a quest to find out more about the Toltec shamans in the 60’s and 70’s.. I was intrigued and after finishing that book, I moved to the next, and the next of the series. It was fascinating and yet made me a bit anxious as I wanted to experience what Carlos experienced, but Don Juan was a fierce indian wiseman who taught via the hardknox method. It scared me to think I would have to go through some of the ways Carlos did to get the spirtual lessons bestowed by taking peyote and running around in the desert at night or jumping into an abyss on pure faith..
I was taking the train to Boston for a work assignment for 8 months, so I was able to really use the time to dive in and eat up anything metaphysical. I was also in a tough relationship at the time, and I do think my mental dive into these fantasy worlds was an escape.. Well, I think it was much more than that, I think I was drawn to them to be able to garner my own inner strength to be able to do what I wanted to do, end my relationship. We lived together and I didn’t want to go through that pain and conflict to divorce ourselves from one another’s entwined lives. I dreamed of it often, and actually tried to cut it off, but always ended up saying “OK, I’ll give it another try” after hours of crying and begging that “I can change”. Man, I was a gluttony for punishment back then, and lost alot of my hayday years of early to mid 20’s in that mode. From my wiser position in life at 38, I see that it was a total lack of self respect and inner power to put myself in a prison of my own making. Well, everything happens for a reason, and I did get what I asked for.. I did wish very hard one day to find someone and experience a relationship.. You see, I never have been a relationshippy person, mostly a loner in the lover department. Alway in the friend zone, etc.. so I now look back and see that I asked for a relationship boot camp in my heart as I intended this experience to come true,and sure as Shnikes, I got what I wanted. The power of “The Secret”.. Anyways, I digress (I’m known for that in my story telling)..
So back to “The Path” part one.. So from Castenada I branched out to The Four Agreements, and a myriad of other shape shifting books.. The Power of Now, A new Earth, Dan Millman’s “The Peaceful Warrior”, etc. all great and all tools for the path of spiritual life.. I took a Reiki I class hosted by my friend Jenn’s mother. Truly a great experience.. Where I felt I could be a healer someday..
However, once my work assignment ended, so did my little sanctuary of Josh Space I made each day on the MBTA commuter rail. I really didn’t have much personal time in my relationship as I was always monitored for what I was doing and would have been interogated on why I needed to read such books, etc. Well at least that was in my head. I just wanted peace and I stopped doing alot of things in order to keep the peace and not have a fight or discussions, etc. I know, it’s sad and pathetic. I really didn’t give myself any power.. Well, some of my lessons kicked in, and I did eventually end it one Thursday night right after CSI. 🙂 I remember it well and I just shut the TV off, and turned to my partner and said “I’m done. No if ands or butts” and as the water works and pleading and the “what am I going to do now, and you are awfuls started bandied about”, I just heard an inner voice chanting KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING, YOU ARE FREE!! So it was done and after a few weeks or awkward living until they finally found a new apartment and left, I was truly free, but in reality, it took me a good 1-2 years of purging my energetic systems to truly feel like Josh again.. And even though I’ve been on probably 6 dates or so, I haven’t been in another relationship yet. But I’m good with it. I am open now, and definitely have room in my heart to share it with someone, the RIGHT Someone should they come across my path. I’m not actively searching since now I’m really dedicated to my Path Life #2. The ending of that relationship actually was about the time that “the Path” got away from me too. You can’t forget this stuff and I did use the tools I learned from the 30+ books I read, along the way, but it wasn’t the same.. And hasn’t been the same until about two years ago (I think 🙂 ), when it came back and with an avengence.
So the new path started VERY very inconspicuously while in Florida visiting my Sister and mother in March of 2012.. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation happened, but my brother was talking to me about a small cartoon character movie he saw on YouTube where it described the “The Human History Story“.. He said it was fascinating and that I should check it out. Well, all he told me was it was a little blue stick figury kind of guy.. Well my cybersleuthing is pretty damn good, so armed with my iPad one night while laying in my sister’s guest room, I hunted until I found it! It was from the Youtube Channel called “Spirit Science“, and I was like, wait, wha. wha. what? Spirit and Science?!? Wow, that’s right up my alley since I’m a degreed chemical engineer.. so sure as shnikes, I watched the 60 minutes and was BLOWN AWAY.. It really made 85% sense to me, and truly opened me to a WHOLE OTHER World.. So just like Casteneda appetite, I started on episode 1 of Spirit Science and every spare minute on that trip, I watched like a sponge and I could feel my resonance start to kick on, it all made sense to me and also just had me thirsty for more. Every concept I enjoyed, I’d research more and more.. And then I got into channeled messages on Youtube by Matt Muckelroy, and rainbowabundance, and Mario Gattaoladino, etc.. more and more and more.. and I got to learn about the real deal on Dec 21, 2012, and ascension and sacred geometry and you name it. Just awesome.. So it took me a good year and a half or even two years to gather and assimiliate data, and start to meditate and ackowledge some of the inner gifts I have, like I can “smell” sickness. It isn’t a true smell but a smell-like feeling I have when I’m close to someone sick.. I learned that I am empathic and FEEL the world, and I had this since I was a kid. I just didn’t know what it was. I was a cry baby in grade school and after some long talks with myself, I decided to shut it off as much as I could so I could not be labelled a baby when moving into Middle School. Well, after about all this research time I FINALLY started getting the itch to “get out there baby” and put some of this into action.. Stop being scared or embarrassed and get out there and Live IT! Hence my solo trip to Sedona, which just ignited the rockets of my spirituality.. Which fast forwarding, gets me finally after all that purging and introduction to my first journal entry (sorry about that. I could keep going on, but this is not my autobiography, lolz!!)
Well as I said WAAAAY back at the beginning I knew yesterday and today were big in the energy department. My reading with Lisa indicated something big was happening earth-wide on the 11th / 12th as spirit had a veil up and wouldn’t show her. Later in the day yesterday she indicated that it was a huge energetic upgrade to many lightworkers to receive new codings and energy pathways towards ascension.. I did feel a big weird and EXTREMELY tired most of the day.. Like I was foggy and light headed with massive eye twitches, annoying throat tingles, etc. Plus, I had scheduled donating blood for the first time in 7 years. Oh boy. Well I did come right home after work for a bit before my appointment. But once I got home I went pretty much right to bed.. So this morning was interesting in that I had several crazy cool dreams, but can really only remember one part of one of them. I was in a room and there was a golden bracelet that also covered most of your hand too.. and in the middle was an huge BLUE crystal.. and when I closed my fist, I could actually move stuff with my mind/body without touching. I moved a small thing like 2 inches first and then I moved a box of some kind across the table and into my hand. SO COOL, but alas, I woke up to a bed almost falling apart. My box spring supports under the bed kind of fell down and I could feel like the bed was going to fall apart from the weight over the king sized bed. Hard to explain, but it happened before, so I jumped out and moved to the blue room in my house overlooking th back yard. Of course Loki (my cat) followed me. I was still out of it, as it was like 4:30 or 5:00 AMish.. I was feeling really buzzy and I did have a few times where I felt drawn to look out back but I didn’t see anything major.. I was however feeling alot of “presence” in the room, like I do when I call my angels while mediatating so I kind of just chilled and tried to go to sleep. I was peeking at Loki and watching him stare out back and then dart his head to the left and then right and back outside, kind of in touch with my “feelings”.. Very cool,not at all scary, but my wanting of sleep overruled and I barely dosed off before getting up for work..
So I bolted from work to head to my latest spiritual adventure: Bhvana’s Golden Light Retreat .. I “met” Bhvana at the Natural Living expo in November when I went to her workshop about the Golden Light. She believes she’s the embodiment of the golden light and goddess and keeper of the vortex of light. Despite her self proclaimation of this (which I felt a little self important, sorta) she energy was very loving and peaceful and I liked it alot. I actually won the door prize of the pendulum which she held during the Golden Light mediation that day. That’s an awesome story for another day. Well tonight was the full followup to that workshop she advertised that day. The main reason I felt I HAD to go (even though I wanted to go) was that I asked my angels and guides before she drew that raffle, if there was anything for the betterment of my spiritual growth, let me win something, and sure enough I did, the most conveted door prize by the 80+ people that attended.. So I kept an eye out and then paid for a spot and went tonight!
It was a nice spot in a Espiscople church. I was glad that there were other people there, I didn’t want to be the only one, as one of the reasons I’m reaching out is to not be just keeping all of this to myself as a loner but be exposed to people on the path too. I wanted to experience the vibes of like minded people and see if it would boost me further. I would say it did definitely. There were about 23 people and only 5 men, of which I think I was the youngest of them. I’d say the mean age was 45-55 with some in their 60’s/70’s woman.. We were seated in a circle around a table with candles flowers and a golden angel statue.. It was nice and friendly and peaceful. Good energy. I sat at the 8’oclock position of the circle and there were a few buffer seats around me which filled up finally.. Bhvana had about 30-40 minutes of describing her journey to being the golden light and her spiritual upbringing. Again, it was similiar to the workshop, where she was using the pronoun I alot, it didn’t bother me, but my self-importance flag was raised just as a reflex.. I stayed open and felt that she was being genuine and I did sense her aura and it was nice and peaceful. No sense of lying, etc. otherwise, session OVER 🙂 So as she was talking this big old man must be 70 or so came into the hall 30-40 minutes late and of course I had the only chair next to me open. She lumbered over and sat next to me and was huffing and puffing and got settled. For a half a second my ego/parasite in the brain said to me “Oh boy, why is he here?” but that was quickly rebuffed by my inner higher self voice telling me, “come on really, Josh? He’s here for the same reason you are”.. So from that point forward, I felt something for this man.. Like a friendship. I didn’t even say hi to him or anything, just felt it. It was a nice usual feeling..
So after her lecture of background info, it was almost time for the mediatation and golden light ceremony.. In between, I looked over to the big guy and he looked at me and I smiled and said “Hi I’m Josh” and he said, Hi I’m Roy, nice to meet you.” He was from Watertown and was new to all of this. He was trying to find some inner peace.. My “impression” my feeling without words that he was a nice man, alone, and had some health problems and was just feeling overwhelmed with his life and situation.. Again, who knows, just my vibe or maybe the sad eyes.. but he seemed happy to get a chance to chat for 1 minute.. 🙂 He was a loud breather and smacked his lips alot.. I was like “oh boy, this could be annoying” but it wasn’t, I was at peace with him and I made space for his deal.. Whatever man, you go guy kind of mentality.. Let annoyance go through and not resist.
Anyways, Bhavna was ready to go, and so was I.. Ready to receive my gift of healing light to add to my collection of modalities and experiences since Sedona.. She said close your eyes and open your palms upward. She turned on some music and I almost started DYING laughing with a Buddah laugh. It was the song Merlin’s Magic (from the Heart of Reiki) CD which I have and listened to EVERYDAY while riding on the train during my Path #1 years.. I just beamed with a syncronistic event like that and knew this was going to be good. So she did a bit of guided meditation while my song played, but I really was just tuning into the song like an old friend, as I haven’t heard it for YEARS.. And I really got into a great meditation space. Not drowsy at all, but solid and stable, and full of life and love and light. Bhavna was going around the circle laying her hands on the crown chakra and then heart to instill the golden light into your soul and aura. she started at the six o’clock position of the circle and went counter clockwise, so I knew I had some time before she got to me.. so I settled into my own meditation of feeling.. Similiar to my at-home-at-night meditation. Calling my archangels and guides and just feeling love.. I didn’t have many thoughts, but I could hear the old man next to me again breathing, sighing and moving around like he didn’t know what to do, or feel.. It didn’t break my meditation, but I just had that feeling to project my unconditional love I was feeling towards him and the room.. I was really feeling the music and situation.. No sooner than I started to flow, I hear him start to cry and release.. Bhavna said that this may happen and if it does, you should let it flow and release the blocks.. So I wasn’t freaked, but happen for him.. She even came over to him quietly and I could hear her whisper to him, “it’s OK, let it out, don’t worry, be free..” I just kept beaming my love and light to him and he stopped and then breathed quieter but not silent 🙂
So she finally came around to me and I felt her touch on the back of my head. I got just opened myself up to the golden light and when she touched my heart, I did feel a flow of something from my head to my heart and then when she released and went to my friend Roy, I just followed the flow of my heart and all I can say is that it felt like I was “connect” to spirit/universe/source.. I just bathed there and only can describe it as I felt like a vortex of light/puffy clouds was swiriling up and down like the inside of a slow spinning tornado. Not fast and violent, but peaceful. Then I returned back to my heart and I could sense Bhvana was still at Roy doing something cause I could hear her bracelets and stuff jingling. She only touched me for maybe 10-15 seconds tops but she must have been on Roy for 30+ seconds.. Alot to align I guess. I was glad.
So we finished up the meditation and I just basked in the sounds of my Merlin’s Magic CD until she guided us back to our bodies and 3D world. I felt great, relaxed and calmer than calm.. Again, just strengthing my inner calmness and loving aura for the past 6 months.. No sadness, little annoyance or anger, and just positive feelings. 🙂 So she did a few more advertisements for her services and other classes, and we did a door price again of her book (or pamplet) she channeled from the angelic realm, a guided CD meditation, and a candle infused with her light. I was intrigued by the book and fairly so for CD, but candle, eh.. I didn’t think it was special. Sounded like it was a yankee candle with some printing on it.. So I wasn’t surprised I didn’t win anything even though my odds were WAY better than at the expo. Didn’t matter. My journey of golden light was complete. So she finished and I got up to leave and turned to Roy to say bye and a hand shake.. What did he do? He grabbed me and gave me a bear hug and said, “God Bless you.. Thank you for talking with me and making me feel comfortable here by being next to me”.. I returned the hug and said “Pleasures all mine Roy. You take care and be well, ok?” and he said with a smile and tears in his eyes “I will, I will.. Merry Christmas”..That was my Christmas gift this year.. 🙂
A great experience to continue the Josh Spiritual Train on the tracks to a new me and new world.
As always, Be Well, Peace, Namaste (BWPN)