Over the past several months, I have been getting flashes of memories from my early childhood. I have been trying to remember exactly how I felt as a kid in all the situations that marked my consciousness with a memory strong enough for me to retain in all these years. I think that this new exercise is primarily sparked from my initial spiritual reading in Sedona, AZ in October 2014 with Joyea at the Mystical Bazaar. It was the last day before I flew home and going to that store was on my to do list all week. Basically it is a crystal and metaphysical shop (one of many in Sedona) but from my research I knew they also had a few people to do readings. At that time, I still felt kind of weird being “out there” in spiritual matters. It was a solitary thing I did and rarely spoken about other than a trusted few. Anyways, as I entered the shop, of course I procrastinated until fairly close to closing time and started to peruse their amazing selection of crystals. As I was browsing, one of them asked if I came back to get the crystal I was looking at this morning? I was like HUH? I told her that I had never been there before and she said, “Really?!?” and conferred with the other woman who also confirmed that I was there in the morning. Maybe I was sleepwalking, lol? I don’t know, but it was that good old really weird but cool Sedona experience. Believe it or not, it wasn’t the only doppelganger experience I had. The previous morning when I stopped at a coffee stand on the strip and asked for a latte, the coffee guy said, “You’re having another one huh?” And I said “I haven’t been here before”. He was confused but just said I must have a twin there.  Anyways…

So as I was finishing up with my crystal selections and went to pay, I saw the list of reading services on the wall and I was contemplating if I should jump out there and get a reading. I was primarily anxious that the reading would be bull crap and that it would tarnish the otherwise awesome vacation to Sedona.. But just as I was going to leave, I asked if there was anyone doing readings. I didn’t consciously say it, as it just slipped out of my mouth.. The lady said that one of the readers was just finished her shift and was leaving but that Joyea would probably stay late for one more if I wanted to stick around. So I did, very nervously. Well she came out and agreed to talk with me so I followed her into a small room and she explained that she was in touch with the Angelic Realm primarily but also gets information from elsewhere like ancestors and others from beyond the veil. Well I would say it was an awesome experience (one I’m sure I’ll elaborate more on later) for us both and it really was eye opening and was indeed the catalyst that has sprung me to the state I am today. I think that it was the perfect ending to the trip and I look forward to seeing her again when I go back in September.

We did several oracle deck readings but we also did some other exercises and one that stuck was the inner child exercise. I have heard about loving your inner child from metaphysical sources, but didn’t really resonate with it until this exercise. She described to me about the three main aspects of Josh. The Higher Spirit: The higher part of me that is ALWAYS there to support and never judge no matter what. It is helping guiding me to the experiences that are best for me at the giving times of your life or supporting you during the tough lessons. The Adult Josh: The man that is in the Now, working, going on vacation, paying bills, and experiencing whatever. And then there’s the Inner Child (Little Josh) who originally came into the world and lived in the present moment and was so close to Spirit until the breaks and belongings of this world happen to pull you away more and more from that magical wonder child into the wounded child. She explained that that wonder child never leaves you, but hides deep in a space of your being until you get to the point of awakening and awareness where you are able to reconnect, embrace and create a safe environment to be able to support that wonderful part of yourself and reclaim the power we all had as a pristine child.  She wanted me to envision myself at 5 years old or so and try to remember my inner state at that time. I couldn’t really get completely into tune with my little self, but something stirred within me. It was like a crack opened in this cocoon and I had this new awareness of having an inner child.  These feelings and flashes back some 30+ years ago have steadily been interrupting the daily grind of life.  The exercise continued by her grabbing a piece of paper and establishing a “Josh Spiritual Board of Directors” where we listed some of the angels and guides she felt present during the readings (Archangel Michael, Raphael, etc).  She said it is time to have Little Josh join the crowd and weigh in on my development in matters of life and spiritual growth. What an interesting concept for me.. It was a cool way for me to conceptualize all this and I have called several Board Meetings while in my meditations with positive success.  The exercise finished up with making sure to check in with Little Josh often as possible especially around some big decisions. She said that I should ask him for guidance and “listen” for the answer which may come not by sound but by feeling like a giddy kid on Christmas morning about to dive into presents from Santa.  She also said it is important to ask the question: “What do you need from me Today?” and see if anything pops into your awareness. Don’t be surprised if it is in the concept of what a 5 year old would want.. Go do something fun?  Or nagging that what you are about to do is bad/good?   It is a really interesting exercise to do and one I do sometime while driving.  I pretend he’s sitting in the front seat (yes, I know he should be in the back 🙂 ) and just being the kid I was and remember.  And I ask how he’s doing, and if there is anything he needs. And it is a weird sensation as I don’t treat him as son or nephew or little brother, it’s different and visualizing that it really you just younger, there’s a bond I feel that’s unique. It is really interesting and I’m really just starting to focus on it more some 8 months from this exercise. Try it sometime.

So the reason I decided to write a little about it is that these flashes of memories of times when I was Little Josh have started to occur quite often and at random times. It is like that cocoon that I cracked a while ago in Sedona is starting to fracture more and more as I continue my evolution of spirit. And one of the strongest insights I’ve had is around the raw empathic power I had back then as Little Josh. You see, I have been remembering more and more the feelings I had every day when I went to school from around grades 2-4.. I was what you consider a cry baby and I think that I would cry at least once a day in class. It really wasn’t that people picked on me, they actually didn’t (at least not to my face) thankfully.. It was just that I was flooded with all these emotions from everyone and it was like I was drowning. It is something that I COMPLETELY repressed or forgot until these exercises. I also remember staying close to the teachers during recess since I could tell when the bullies where going to strike and I could sense the victim’s pain and scared feelings as well as the bullies anger and pain.  It was so overwhelming and at the time, I would just endure and not really talk about it to anyone.  This continued until I was to enter 5^th grade when I decided to shove all that empathic power away as I was moving to a new school and had an opportunity to start fresh without the cry baby moniker.  I can remember the moment when I wished upon a wish and a star to cut it back with all my little might..  And although I can’t remember the timeline very well, it worked (of course, the power of intent!). Of course not all of the abilities went away (thank God), but I was able to function more normally throughout the rest of my schooling and into adulthood.    The remarkable thing is that all of these stories were all but forgotten until “the egg of inner child awareness” cracked and all this has been starting to bleed through again.

One of the most recent “discussions” with little Josh was on the topic to remove the spiritual governor put back on in 4^th grade to return the full extent of my empathic abilities to me. I told him that I am now ready and strong enough to handle them and any other gifts I may have come with from the other side.  I think there is some more work to do with him (me) to fully open up and merge back with me instead of the game of hide and seek we are playing now. But I do enjoy visualizing this relationship with myself and think it can be a powerful tool for anyone ready to dive in.

Fortunately, I was blessed a good childhood without any major trauma so it has been a bit easier to reconnect. I suspect though it is even more important for anyone out there with a poor or bad experience to really start the healing process as I do believe it will really carry you to a better place in the here and now. Ask your guides or God or Spirit or Universe for some help during your complementation and meditation. They will definitely help.

So I will definitely keep my blog apprised of my developments as I move forward in my spiritual growth. I am ready to reclaim all that I have forgotten and lost in the times until now and use it only to help others in whatever way I can. I’m am NOT AFRAID anymore and feel the support from friends and guides on high and low (little Josh). The power is growing and I continue to feel more and more high vibe.

Well going to end there for now. Hope you enjoyed my sharing. Be Well, Peace and Namaste all (BWPN),

Big and Little Josh